Ugly Result of the Five Ugly Kindom Tour
by Kyonshi
Summary: Kyo's cocky attitude may just kill everything Dir en Grey stands for...before Vulgar is released... can the other members try to change him before Dir en Grey is completely destroyed? The first, last and only Diru story I will ever write.


They had twelve hours. Twelve hours before it started, again. Twelve hours before they would all get up on a stage and play before countless fans. Screaming all their names. Twelve hours and probably two more before it was over. Toshiya's flight would get him here in about six hours. Shinya was sleeping. He needed all the rest he could get. Die was gone. There wasn't any telling where he went to or when he'd come back. Kaoru hoped his friend wasn't under the control of drugs now. Hi drinking was bad enough. Kaoru sat in Kyo's kitchen drinking coffee. Trying to convonce Kyo of a point. It was like any other of their recent pitstops around the east, and Kyo was more cocky than usual. "Kyo, you don't listen to me." Kaoru felt like smashing the glass of hot coffee on the table, felt like punching Kyo, felt like playing Quake online and killing a bunch of random idiots. He just wanted his aggression out. Kyo never listened to him anymore. And Kyo was well aware of it. This, and many other things that only rised to his notice lately, was something he couldn't understand., couldn't grasp. And for Kaoru, that was very, very rare. "Kaoru, we just let them decide if they like it or not." Kyo seemed to mock him with every statement now. Perhaps whatever negativity, mockery, or rebelliousness Kaoru thought he traced in Kyo's voice was correct. Maybe Kaoru was growing stupid. Kyo certainly made him feel that way. And to Kaoru, it seemed Kyo wanted it to be that way. You're not the leader anymore, you've ruined your visual image. Kaoru wished, for the millionth time, Kyo had taken his advice one year ago. "Everything we've longed for, everything we've dreamed of, everything we stood for, Kyo. Everything we've been. Everything we want others to beleive in. All of our work." A lot of work, work that taken years of talent, hoping to get respect from others, and just staying together. Beleiveing in eachother was the most important thing, wasn't it? Whatever had happened to that? "This, Kyo, will crush it all in one fatal blow. One blow. That is all it will take." But Kyo's expression was readable. Knowing him for years, as one of his closest friends, Kaoru had often even referred to him as a brother. But it was all too obvious. Kyo wanted to break free of him, of every last trace of Yoshiki's influence, of everything Dir en Grey stood for. Kaoru wished direly he had never took up studying people. He wished Kyo could be to him as Kyo was to everyone else: A cryptic, poetic mystery. Maybe a madman. But a closed book. And Kaoru hated the truth in Kyo's eyes more than he hated anything else in his life. "Kyo..." He was still staring into his coffee. Kyo was over by the hotel window, another mockery of Kaoru's advice: Not to stand where the public eye can see you. But the public had taken control of Kyo now, hadn't they? "I just want you to understand." "Understand...what?" "That I am part of Dir en Grey." Kyo smiled at his friend. Kaoru understood the smile; everyone else would of screamed wildly at it, yelled for more, begged to be flipped off. Expected blood vomit to rush out. They were all half right. The smile meant Kyo was aiming to offend. "I know you are. So?" Kaoru looked at his brother. He hated his clothes. He hated his hair. Even the color was a joke, the gold platinum blonde, meant to justify himself as some sort of rock god, or make fun of the other ones. Back in the good days, it was just yellow, because Kyo liked it. "I am not a part of what is no longer Dir en Grey." Kaoru felt his heart stop, and waited for Kyo's response. The roaring laughter could be heard in the adjectant rooms. Shinya cringed. He slowly sat up in his bed and drank some of the water next to him on the little table. He felt like killing someone. He really was the only one who couldn't slack off. The joints in his arm would ache him. The other members got blisters, Kyo would have problems with his throat, Kyo or Die would get writer's block. Nevermind being in the studio. The studio was where Shinya felt comfortable. Noone prying at him, screaming his name, noting how girly he was. The studio he could work hard, listen to the recording, and know that he did his part. And he always did his part disgustingly well. He loved the satisfaction after it. He loved knowing what he did contributed after all to what he loved the most, to his purpose in life. A part of Dir en Grey. But on stage.... On stage, the lights, his costume, the heat, the people, the noise. He hated it. After concerts people would remark on how unhappy Shinya looked, maybe he got into another fight with Die, maybe he's thinking about leaving the band? No. Never. Ever. But on stage, Shinya could barely breathe. The feeling of accomplishment was the same, but the toll it took was terrible. The fact was, while Toshiya, Die and Kaoru could slack off on their riffs, their chords, the things they did so well in the studio, on stage, while Kyo could skip an entire two sentances just by shouting a random word in a growling voice into the mic, Shinya couldn't falter. He couldn't. One error, one mismatched beat, one missed hit....it all meant failure. He would not fail Dir en Grey. He would not fail Kyo. He would not fail his sister... He clenched his jaws and promised himself not to think about that today of all days. But he could not miss a beat. It meant disrupting the rythm, hurting his reputation and the other members. More realistically, it meant irrepairably throwing the others off on the tempo and beat. Shinya would want to die if he only did it once. As soon as he realized how angry he was he forced himself to calm down. It never did good to get angry, ever. Never again would he get angry. He cared about Kaoru, Die, Toshiya, Kyo. He cared about his friend's plans for the future, his friend's ideas and philosophies, even if they went over his head sometimes. He cared for his friend's problems, however personal they were. He cared about himself, if only a little. But recently, he forced himself to think. Think about things he didn't want to. His decision. He really did care about how passionate Kaoru was with his ideals, and the ideals for Dir en Grey. He really did care about Die's inner torment, his problems, his dealing with them by resorting the bottle. He really did care if Toshiya called him at four AM to just tell him he might have a cavity and he was scared, he'd never been to a dentist before. But he cared most of all about what was happening to Kyo. And he decided, no matter what happens, he would follow Kyo, even if he knew the path they would tread would lead into nothingness. Shinya closed his eyes and then laid back down, sastified. Even if Kaoru had just sealed his own fate...  
  
and half an hour later, it was the same nightmare. His little sister. She was only seven. Her name was Fukki. Her hair had been long, and she always had it different colors. He had to learn. It wasn't his fualt, he was forced to learn. How to cook, how to clean, how to have patience. How to be both a mother and a father to her, something neither of them could ever have. Only seven, and the kami all took her away. He had met Kyo in a sleazy bar. He never went in the bars, he didn't drink. But Shinya had found himself simply wandering the streets, for hours, days, holding it all inside, holding it in. Kyo was only in there to steal some money from some hobos who were too stupid to understand how Kyo could take quarters out of their ears. They were essentially still children. But once they met, they had become instant friends. Kyo's personality bobbed and weaved around Shinya like a kindness and a peace he had never known. Maybe it was because Kyo was his first friend. And Kyo confided in him. He made Shinya laugh, something only his little sister ever was able to do. Ever. He had come home to Fukki, coming home from work, found her on the floor. She was sick. He couldn't understand the words she was saying. She was bleeding in her mouth. He only remembered running with her frail body in his arms, running her to the hospital. Telling her he was sorry. He was sorry he left. They could do nothing. Nothing. And all Shinya could do was cry...and wish he could join her. Kyo took a quarter out of Shinya's ear. Shinya stared blankly. Kyo snapped the trick quarter in half and gave one half to Shinya. "This half means, you're my friend, and as long as we both have our halves, we'll always be friends." There was no money. Shinya had nothing. There was no gravestone. No burial. No funeral. Noone would of been there but Shinya. Shortly after, he put on one of his little sister's dresses. It fit his slender build perfectly. He then put on some lipstick, and let his hair down, looking in the mirror. "You're very pretty, Fukki," he would say, over and over. But it never let him fool himself long enough.  
  
Toshiya missed them. He missed Shinya a lot more, because lately Shinya was the only one who was nice to him. He had even given him his cell phone number, something he never gave anyone. Toshiya promised Shinya he'd make him regret it, and gave him his messed up smile. He liked smiling at Shinya, because Shinya always smiled back. He didn't do it with his mouth, but Toshiya could see it in his eyes. Toshiya hoped he could make the first flight. That way, the "pilgrimage to capsize the islands" in eastern china wouldn't have to be postponed. He didn't like china. He wanted to get it over with. But if he missed the flight, he'd cause yet more trouble for the band. They'de wait another five days to get an opening at the Arena, and then they'de have to do all that paperwork all over again, at least that was what Kaoru had told him. "So don't be late!" But he had said it kind of laughing. Kaoru was usually friendly. Kaoru was definitely the smart one. He missed Kyo too, but Kyo always scared him. Kyo had never flushed when they lived together. He really couldn't wait to go back. Die said he was going to teach Toshiya accoustic guitar sometime soon. Kaoru laughed and said that might be a good idea. Toshiya wanted it too. Maybe he could get an accoustic solo in a song. Maybe Kaoru would let him write the music for one of their next album's songs! Toshiya smiled big. He was happy they were releasing a new album. Kaoru and Kyo had gotten into an arguement over that label thing. But what did it matter? People were going to know who they were still, right? Maybe not being with the Firewall label meant Toshiya wouldn't have any more pictures of him taken while he was eating chicken heads. That upset him when he saw that in the final publication of XX. He knew people would have to make something out of it. If Shinya were here now, he would ask him if he noticed that all of the chinese people in the east were kind of mean. And they laughed and cried and made noises in public. Grrr. Toshiya's bus came to a stop, and let him off. As fast as he could, he ran to the flight's terminal...  
  
Die was ready. He was usually ready for anything. They didn't have much time left. He'd sober up before then, though. He had only had two. Shinya, Toshiya, Kaoru, they all tried to help him, ask him questions. He couldn't tell them though. The most important thing to him was Dir en Grey. Kyo was the only one who didn't ask him anything. Kyo was going to be the one to kill them all. He probably didn't care. Maybe it was what he wanted. Die got up from his table and left. Walking up the street that would get to his hotel, he wondered how long it would be until Kyo finally trashed them all and left permanently to do his solos. Die didn't tear up thinking about it. That was what the booze was for. There would be no point in getting another singer. Or having them all leave to join or form other bands. That wasn't Dir en Grey. It wasn't. But Kyo by himself wasn't Dir en Grey either.  
  
It was starting. They were all screaming. Some machine, some accursed machine, thought Kaoru, was playing some technoish theme for them as they would each walk out. Shinya would go first. Kyo made no sign of forming the huddle with the rest of them. They felt like fools, all for different reasons. Shinya looked at Die. Die was angry. Maybe he hadn't sobered up yet. But he was scary. He was staring directly at Kyo. Kyo wasn't looking at everyone outside. He was wearing his disgusting smile. He would wear it for them. Kaoru put his hand on Die's shoulder. Die sighed and shook his head. Toshiya just looked worried. He walked over to Kyo awkwardly. "Do you want to form the good luck huddle?" The thing they did before every show. It raised their spirits, bonded them for the chaos that would ensue, each one telling the other it was going to be the best one yet. Kyo never replied. He just kept smiling. Looking out. Grinning, was maybe actually what he was doing. Shinya got up suddenly and went out. Die watched him. Shinya stood on the central platfor that they would each stand on, to show themselves to the audience, milking the performance for everything it was worth. He bowed and went to his drums. Die went next. After Die was out, Toshiya. Finally it was Kaoru's turn. He was alone in the room with Kyo. "Kyo, listen, please..." "Don't miss your cue. Go." Kaoru gave up. He decided he would leave, after the concert. Back to his family. He would never watch this band fall apart. It would make him fall apart inside. He went out and introduced himself with a smile on his face as the screens all displayed KAORU. Kyo went last. They opened up with Mr. Newsman. This one wasn't that bad, thought Kaoru. Shinya thought of nothing. He played as hard as he could knowing it was only a few steps on a very long, winding road. Kyo flipped off the audience during the second chorus. The machine somewhere on the stage said Good Night, so Kyo could concentrate on the other parts. Not that he was concentrating on too much, thought Die. A machine to help him and he still wasn't doing his job. Kaoru riffed everything as close to perfect as he could. He wouldn't slack ff this time. He had already read Shinya's anger and talked to Toshiya and Die about it. They understood immediately and had displayed shameful looks, promising themselves they would make it up to him somehow. Next came Hades. Kaoru's plan was to have the four against the one onstage, showing what was really going on. They would play perfectly and see how much Kyo thought he could afford to slack off on or change. Die smiled at Toshiya. He knew his friend was worried about something. Toshiya smiled back when he saw it, as if to say OK. Bottom of the death Valley was next. Toshiya tried not to show a smile during his intro solo. He loved this song. Kyo sang it flawlessly, actually doing all the words. Kaoru felt a little accomplished. But it changed nothing. After the show, tomorrow maybe, he would leave. This band was no longer Dir en Grey. After all, this was their last tour, Five Ugly Kingdom. They wouldn't need Kaoru anymore for the album, they had already proved they could compose tunes. And they could reap the rewards of that album for another year or two, though people were always, always buying their older ones. Shinya let himself enjoy the slowwer drumming of Death valley before going onto Karasu. Kyo yelled rather than whispered. The song ended, and Kyo stopped and stepped forward to talk to the audience. He asked them if they were having a good time. They all screamed they were, the best, yes, I love you Kyo. He was short of breath. He asked them if they minded staying longer. More positive screaming. He told them thank you. And the show went on. They did Ugly, a song Kaoru wanted to see Kyo try to do onstage. He actually did it without the use of the machine, though for the effect desired the most it was required in the studio. Then, Ain't afraid to Die. The audience went insane when they heard the piano opening. This was truly one of their favorites. It meant a lot to Dir en Grey too, collectively. Kaoru felt his eyes getting wet. Leave? He couldn't really do such a thing, could he? This was as neccessary as breathing to him. Playing on and on. Shinya closed his eyes and thought of nothing for as long as he could before starting drums. This song depressed him, even if it did mean a lot to him. Die loved this song a lot. And Kyo didn't falter once singing it, ever. This was Dir en Grey. Next came children. Toshiya usually laughed playing the new children, because it was so unlike them. It was Kaoru's composition, which was the odd part. Everyone blamed it all too truly on his western music influences. But they all had a good time playing it. Next, Zomboid. Kyo really couldn't sing this at all. Half of each line and the machine said HIGH for him. Damn Kisou and its studio edits. The bullet let off a glint. the sound was thought to have come from Shinya's drumming. Die fell abruptly to the ground. not a second passed before the concert stopped. Someone in the audience ran off. Die looked to be in severe pain. He had just been shot. Shinya stopped and ran to him, pushed Kaoru and Kyo, physically, out of the way. Toshiya was screaming for help. Someone alerted them they had notified the police and an ambulance. Die found it difficult to breathe. Did that just really happen? He tried to look at his chest where it hurt. Shinya pushed his head back. Shinya was sitting next to him. He was crying. Was that really Shinya? The lights above were blinding him. Six feet away Kyo stared. His cockyness was gone. He was in shock. Kaoru knew what this meant. He knew. He momentarily felt like strangling Kyo. He went to his friend laying on the ground. Shinya looked up at Kaoru. None of them could hear the audience, screaming everything. Toshiya allowed himself to be ushered off to safety but the rest shrug off the security's help. Poor Toshiya would be left worrying. Die's eyes were closed. "He..." Shinya's voice faltered. Kaoru looked at his friend, feeling the tears coming down his cheeks. Kyo just stood. Stood and stared at what he had caused. It was beginning to dawn on him now. "said....he....was.........s...sorry...." Shinya collapsed on his friend's chest, clutching him. Kaoru, kneeling, felt so much pity. Pity for Shinya, Die, Toshiya. Even Kyo. Kyo tried to take a step to Die's body. He faltered and fell to his knees. He wasn't a human being. He was useless. A peice of trash. He rememered everything he had worked for. His teachers. He had ruined it all. The ambulance arrived. What was left of the band knew it was too late. The lights went on and on, and the machine was saying Give me Pain. Kyo couldn't shed a tear. Kaoru held his friend, Shinya. This would destroy him on the inside. Perhaps it would destroy them all on the inside.  
  
Two months later, tens of thousands of distraught fans saw the cancellation of VULGAR. And wondered where the rest of Dir en Grey had disappeared to. 


End file.
